Sunday Driver: El Guapo Pillages The Treasury

The words spoken in The Legend of El Guapo have predictability come to pass: "As typical with any older car, eventually more frequent and higher maintenance costs will come, particularly if you have an older luxury vehicle." Maintenance: the process of maintaining or preserving someone or something, or the state of being maintained. For all of El Guapo's consistency, reliability, self-assuredness, and effortless completion of tasks, he is an old man. However, in certain circles that could mean being the commanding officer of a military unit or Captain of a warship, which is unironically appropriate for El Guaposan in this moment. There is a time for peace and safeguarding; then there is a time for war and pillage. This past month, he chose war and pillage and plundered the SORIDAS Treasury located in Mattapan, Massachusetts. 

Since ownership he has received regular service from highly trained and experienced specialists in an undisclosed location befitting of a president. This location is only known by my closest associates and Kin. Think of it as Darth Vader's meditation chamber; or you can think of it as Camp David for Hondas;  Or you can think of it as a non description warehouse somewhere north of Boston. However you think of it, some service was due. I am fond of saying "runs like a clock" when asked how is El Guapo. However, like any clock they need to be wound. Even Clock Tower (i.e. Big Ben) needed work. I guess this past month, El Guapo's clock needed some winding. Items needed in this latest round of service: oil change, new tie rods, hood struts, a set of 4 tires, alignment and new exhaust system. All expected wear and tear, add ons or "yeah, go ahead and change that" items. Generally no surprises for a weather beaten old man of the northeast.  

In quintessential no fuss El Guapo fashion, this is where he simply walks in to the treasury, then walks out of the treasury with $4000. Some might say: "Pete, one does not simply walk into a treasury." However for El Gaupo, who has no true lords or masters, is Code Black 24/7 and mission objectives and effortless completion of tasks consistently, reliably and self-assuredly is the priority. The Lady and I asked him: 4 grand El Guaposan? We are entitled to the truth. His retort: You can't handle the truth! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very transportation that I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a Charlie Card and stand at the bus stop or call your kin. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think you're entitled to! So mean, so rude! However, so true. All classic lessons of making sure you are mission ready, keeping your clock wound, paying attention and caring for the vintage things and knowing what you are getting into when making major purchases. 

So far after 15 months and about 13,000 miles, El Guapo is in our pockets for about $14.5k. That's purchase price, taxes, insurance, total maintenance costs, minus fuel costs (because I don't keep a tally of that). I can say the maintenance costs over this period are related to the bigger one and done items that were expected and/or requested and are now complete. So, what could we have gotten for $14.5k that had met the purchase criteria? I did a quick Car Gurus search filtering for 6 & 8 cylinders, AWD, sedan, hatchack or coupe with less than 100k miles and less than $15k. I based the mileage filter on the fact El Guapo had 98k miles when obtained. I also filtered items for salvage history, frame damage, rental history because I would not buy a car with those factors. There were 270 hits, 61 single owner hits. Among this 270 was a sea of Mercedes C-Classes BMW 3 and 5 Series, Cadillacs, Audis and Infinitis. Nevertheless, which ones would be considered now? Literally the same model and brand choices. However, disqualified because they would not be exactly what we would have wanted.

1. 2012 Fusion AWD SEL $9.9k- (not a Sport AWD)

2. 2011 Lexus IS 250 $13.9k- (boring, see why here)

3. 2013 Taurus Limited AWD $14.9k (not a SHO)

I also checked for the current Acura RL listings and there were 6 in total. However, none would be considered based on location, comparative mileage, aesthetics and likelihood that it would be in need of the future service in which we have already completed with El Guapo. All things considered and the benefit of hindsight gives another classic lesson: you cannot pass up a chance to be in the company of a Legend. You never know if it will be the last opportunity since time wages its own war against us all.